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Then you can answer them and focus on what’s most important to them. Children’s books are a good way to open up dialogue with littler children. Don’t blame your kids, or let them think in any way that they are to blame. Over-sized fears of monsters or robbers are common during this time. Don’t put your child in the middle of anything between you and your ex-wife. Neglecting this can be very harmful for the child since they need to love both parents and should not have to choose sides.
Now is the time to make an extra effort to put down the paper or turn off the TV when the kids want to talk. This is a good icebreaker to get them talking and learn their fears and feelings about divorce. You might not have the vocabulary to talk about divorce or find it awkward when it’s so personal. Be sensitive to your child’s vulnerability at this time. Don’t have your child act as a messenger to your wife.
During the divorce, don’t make up stories about why ‘daddy is away.’ Lies, even if you think they will protect the kids, are not a good foundation for the change in your family. Get lots of exercise and spend time with caring friends and family. Ask your child about friends who have divorced parents.
If you feel better, you’ll be better with your kids during this challenging period.
Make sure you also reassure your kids that you will always be there to support them and that means home, food, and security. As a new dad, Paul Banas became very aware that many dads today are more involved in parenting but have limited resources from a man’s point of view from which to better understand the challenges of their changing role. Great enables all dads-working, stay-at-home, single, gay, domestic partners, and more – to find ways to be involved and understand how dads are functioning as parents today.